Feelings on Life

We've just lived through one of the most draining weeks of our lives.  It was busy, it was fun, it was emotional.  I've lived in San Diego for 8 years now.  John's sister and her family have always lived close to us.  When we got married we even lived in the same apartment complex.  I remember being uncertain about living so closely after just getting married.  I thought their kids would always be running over to see us.  I'd only known them a couple of months by this time.  Of course when you get married, you think about the in-laws and what that relationship will be like.  I'd never had a sister, never known what that was like.  Anyway, apartment life was fine and it was nice to live so close to someone since I didn't have any friends yet.  And I enjoyed getting to know little Ellie and Drew.  And baby Abby was born just 2 months after we were married.  We watched Ellie and Drew while Anna and Nate were in the hospital (that was a trend that continued 2 more times!!!)  One memory that sticks out so clearly was when we bought those 2 their first pair of flip-flops and they were so excited and right away they called them flop-flips.  Then we bought our first home and moved about 20 minutes away from them.  During this time we would have Ellie and Drew over to our house often and they would spend the night, usually together.  I asked Drew the other day if he remembered that house.  After describing it, he said, oh yeah!  Eventually they bought a house putting us a bit closer.

I guess it is easy to not appreciate what you have when you have it.  And especially before we had Chase we wouldn't see them a ton during the week.  We'd always seen them at church on Sunday's, and often hang out after church.  But something changes when you have kids.  You see value more on familial relationships.  I loved that the kids could play with each other.  Anna was so kind in that she would keep Chase for me on Friday mornings so I could go to a weekly meeting.  At first I thought, 6 kids!  How can she keep her eye on Chase and know she is ok?  But, it soon became clear that when Chase was over there she had at least 4 little mothers watching over her.  She is well loved.  And perhaps that is the most heart breaking part of this.  Knowing that Chase is not going to be able to grow up with her cousins close by.  I never had cousins near me, and that makes me sad that those relationships aren't better.  I know what family living apart looks like.  And that is the other.  John and I look at those 5 kids as an extension of our own.  Before we had Chase we would have them over quite often, to spend the night with us.  We cherish those memories.  There is not an uncle on this earth that has played as hard with his nieces and nephews as John has.  He has loved them well.  John and I have definitely processed this move differently.  It has been very emotional for me, tears for weeks now.  John's been so busy with his work life that he hasn't thought about it too much.  But it is finally becoming a reality to him too.

I'm thankful that I'm sad to see them go.  I feel that my love for them as a family has grown over the years.  I always knew that they would not be here forever.  I truly feel that Anna is a sister to me, and that makes me sad that she is not nearby.  But I love that I have a sisterhood feeling toward her and know that is there because we've been geographically close.

Our relationship has shifted.  We will now be creating memories differently than what we've known.  Our kids will have to get used to flying on the airplane, even alone, quickly!  Our kids will now talk on the webcamera.

Here was our last attempt to have a cousin's photo

We soon realized it wasn't going to happen!

These were very sweet moments in life!